WEBVTT
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[inaudible].
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Welcome to the Project Zion Podcast.
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This podcast explores the unique spiritual and theological gifts community of Christ offers for today's world
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[inaudible].
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Hello and welcome to Project Zion Podcast.
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This is your host Robin Linkhart and today is another episode under our Holy Grounds series where we discuss spirituality, spiritual practices, and what that looks like in our every day lives.
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Today our guest is Andy Fernuik.
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Andy Joined Community of Christ in 2010 he is a man of many talents, linguist, actor, artist, musician, ski instructors, scuba diver, fencer, creator of divine culinary delights, and I would add a spiritual practitioner extraordinnaire.
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Welcome Andy.
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Thanks for being with us today.
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Oh, thank you, Robin.
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Thank you.
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It is a joy to be with you.
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It's a joy—sheer joy.
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Today we are taking a slightly different approach to the topic of spirituality.
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This episode is going to be all about spiritual awakening.
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Being awake and attentive is a spiritual practice and discipline of attentiveness that actually takes on a life of its own.
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So Andy, I want to start with that term awakening or spiritual awakening.
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What does that mean from your perspective?
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What does that mean?
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What does that have to do with God, with our relationship with God?
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I think you get what I'm trying to ask.
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Yes, I do.
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As a matter of fact, but as far as having a very clear answer to it, spiritual awakening I suppose, just as a disclaimer, my answers are not absolutes here.
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Obviously this is an interview where you're asking my opinions and my own life experience and such.
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So I cannot say how it is for everyone else or what it is for everyone else or even for you, Robin.
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But for me, I suppose awakening, a spiritual awakening, as much like the word awakening, we do it every day.
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If we've got a night's sleep, we wake up and there are many phases to it.
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You know, one thing I love about this podcast is how it's likened and organized different types of coffee or beverage.
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The way that we've got caffeinated this or fair trade topics that, you know, there are many phases to waking up.
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We have that little lucid kind of dreaming phase where you suddenly realize,"Oh, I've been asleep" and there's a shift in consciousness or awareness that I think is paramount.
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Same thing in spiritual awakening, there is a shift of awareness and of consciousness and changing.
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Then we have that phase where we start to, maybe lie there in bed for an hour kind of dancing between sleep and lucid dreaming and being awake.
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And we can hear people starting their cars to go to work outside, but we're like,"Oh, thank goodness that's not me." Anyway, and then finally we get out of bed.
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We're still not totally with it.
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We might feel the call to go into the loo or make a cup of tea or coffee or something.
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Then there's much later on in the day.
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Hopefully we're fully awake, fully functioning, A spiritual awakening to me is a great many things, but ultimately it's a shift in awareness and consciousness.
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That range is pretty vast.
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A wide swath of experience in that.
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There's everything from I suppose, divine encounter and transformation, you know moments like in Jesus' life when he was transfigured on the mount.
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That's a little more than just transformation.
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Transfiguration, you know, where great things are happening in the spirit and in both the physical and spiritual world together.
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There is the moment to moment in our lives where we might just feel an impression to do something or to call a friend Where did that impression come from?
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How did we know that we needed to call that friend or family member right away?
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That can seem pretty small and insignificant, but still, it can be a communication from God's spirit.
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There's moments like the early saints had after Christ was taken back up into heaven at Pentecost.
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The spirit of God, like a fire sweeping through a great community of worshipers.
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Also in the early history of the Restoration, there were lots of similar experience where the spirit of God, like a fire burning in the souls and in the hearts of the participants swept through great groups of people.
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And it was obviously something that they were not producing themselves, but they could all experience contiguously at the same moment there.
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Ultimately I find that God's spirit, God's Holy Spirit moving in our lives, is what causes spiritual awakening.
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And that is to me, the essence of the spiritual awakening.
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God's presence, divine encounters as through God's spirit and through the mysteries and the wonders of God unfolding in our minds and in our lives.
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What is it for you?
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That's a great question.
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For me, it's choosing to be attentive, which sounds really easy to do, but I find it to be a great challenge, especially in the context of lives that get busy and things that demand our attention elsewhere.
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And I've also realized that there's an art to having attentiveness awakened and being able to layer that on top of other things that are happening.
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But I find it elusive, much more often than I want to admit.
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Hmm.
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Thank you.
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So that's, you know, that's a very brave confession.
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I must have the same confession I do.
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It's something that is a bit elusive or definitely seems so to me, at times.
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I agree with you about that attentiveness.
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I want to say in my own life the way I described that is maybe a good starting point for spiritual awakening and attentiveness or even deeper.
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Just a simple desire, a desire or a longing for spiritual awakening is already part of the spiritual awakening process.
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Does that make sense?
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Spiritual awakening as I see is wanting God in my life more than he already is.
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Wanting the spirit to move and work in my life more than I'm already aware of it or more than it is already working in my life.
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More than I'm already allowing it.
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So that attentiveness to me—I agree with that.
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There is an attentiveness, number one, to realizing that I want something more than what I have in my life.
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I'm attentive and honest with myself, that it's a little bit more elusive to me than I want it to be.
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I want to be able to develop that more in my life.
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I want more of God's spirit in my life working in me, through me, for my life, for the lives of others.
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That to me is the crucial point, the crux, if we will, the place where it all happens.
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Because I remember so many years of my life judging myself for being dissatisfied with what was available to me or with the elusiveness of my interactions with the spirit.
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And, I would judge myself for being dissatisfied saying,"Oh, you know, this is an indication to me of my own fallenness, of how far and separated I am from God." But Oh, contrare, as the spirit has helped me see and transform my own perspective on that, I see a much different picture emerge.
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That desire itself, and that longing for spiritual awakening, is the beginning.
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It is the ground ready for spiritual awakening to take place.
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It is evidenced to me that Christ's spirit is already working within me.
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For example, from scripture.
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There's all kinds of(examples)...Nephi in the book of Mormon, not the first Nephi, but the third Nephi who's named after the first Nephi.
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This is much later.
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This is right before Christ comes at post resurrection to reveal himself to the American inhabitants.
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And I remember learning from his example as I was reading it and—recalling it, I think more than reading it—I think it was knowing this story already from childhood and the spirit, bringing it to my attention at one point and saying, let's go revisit that.
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And as I did, the spirit opened up to me.
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Maybe it's part of my skills as well as being an actor, but that's one way the spirit works in my life is to bring in seemingly banal skills, seemingly worldly skills such as learning how to dissect the script and the character and create that character through subtle details, even missing details.
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So I was reading about this third Nephi and he's going about in all the land trying to set the affairs of the church in order.
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Some are teaching one thing, some are teaching this, some are teaching core principles that are true, but they're adding more to it.
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Some are totally off the mark.
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He gets home and he's discouraged.
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And so he's on his garden tower praying to God and pouring out his soul.
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He's in a down spot.
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And what happens is there's some passer-bys who pass by, who look at him and say,"Dude, what's the problem?
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What's going on here?
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Why are you so miserable?" And he responds and says, because of the sins of the people in all the land, they're separated from God.
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How far away people are from having God in their lives.
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And they're like,"What are you talking about?
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Life's great.
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Life is good man.
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Things are going great.
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We're thriving, everything's fine.
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What's your problem?" Now and then of course he responds.
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He says,"Okay, here's the sign.
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Your chief judge has been murdered and he's lying in a pool of his own blood and here's how you find out who did it." Now, post-experience, he's going away from that meeting.
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They go to check it out and see if he's telling the truth.
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And he's walking away, marveling at the things that God has just shown him in that moment, you know?
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So giving the indication, he didn't even know what was revealed to him in that same moment that he was telling them.
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So I see a lot of how God's working here in this.
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This is the same Nephi that when Christ does come, he calls Nephi's name out of the crowd of people and has Nephi come up in front of everyone and he says, this is Nephi who will lead and organize my church here, I'm putting him in charge and he will speak my will.
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So it's interesting to see that before Christ comes, that this Nephi from the outside from a spectator's perspective was the most miserable and disturbed of present conditions, you know, of concurrent conditions for him.
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So he was dissatisfied.
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Joseph Smith, Jr., the first prophet of all the Restoration movement, was quite dissatisfied as a 14 year old boy.
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He could not find any answers that satisfied his life.
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And there were a lot of answers available to him through different preachers and family members and other sources.
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But he was dissatisfied.
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That was his point of seeking out God.
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And boy, did he get an answer according to this story, right?
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Now in my life, very similar.
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I mentioned a little the other day on the Fair Trade podcast session I did, that I too was very dissatisfied with all the medical answers.
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All the spiritual leaders answers every answer I could find worldwide.
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And throughout history I was quite dissatisfied with what they told me about my creation and who I am and why I'm so different than other people.
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So it was the impetus that started my longing and searching.
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It was what gave birth to connecting with God and going on that quest and journey.
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And ever since it's just been like that, it's been like a zipper pole.
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It's just been the most divine mystery and marvel to me of leading me on to deeper mysteries and wonders that truly I've not find anybody else that can give me these answers about myself, my creation, and changed my perspective and transform my own life in these ways.
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So desire and learning.
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I've always gotta be careful as to not judge myself that those deep dissatisfactions with where I am and what I am are not indications to me of my own standing before God.
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That I'm worthless.
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That I'm so far separated from God that there is no hope for me.
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Instead of frustrating me, I try and let them be an indication to me of, and give me the excitement of what is to come if I seek it out—that relationship from God.
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But I also have to be very honest with myself about what do I want.
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And this is something I'm learning as well.
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I've noticed in my own life that a lot of times, you know, when, when I bump into people who complain, whether in any kind of relationship or interaction.
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If they're complainers about things, I say, okay—this is something I learned through years of therapy and counseling.
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I often ask those people,"Then what do you want?
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Okay, this is what don't you want, this is what's not working for you.
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What would work for you?
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What, what do you want?" And so many times it's shocking.
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They don't know.
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They don't know what they want.
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They just know what they don't want.
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The same with me.
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Oftentimes I have to catch myself and say,"Okay, I know what I don't want.
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I know what's not working for me.
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Do I know what would work for me?
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Do I know what I do want?
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I'm desiring something.
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I'm longing for more of God's spirit in my life.
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What does that look like?
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How, how was that to come?
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What?
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What is it exactly that I want more of God's spirit in my life?" And I, I noticed that Jesus in the scriptures does a lot to ask people in his encounters in the New Testament, he often asks them, what do they want?
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Do they want healing?
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Do they want a vindication?
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Do they want a status in the world?
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Do you know?
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Some of the disciples wanted to sit at the right hand of God and he said, he even said,"You do not understand what it is you're asking." He often leads them, he often leads me as well in those instances, to a deeper understanding first of what it is I want and what it is that I'm seeking.
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But he's so open to that.
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I noticed that a lot of religions try and squash that out of us, or eliminate from us, the desire of wanting things—we shouldn't want certain things.
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We shouldn't want that if we want it.
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There's no harm in being honest first with ourselves about what we want and then why do we want it.
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That is a very crucial point where God shows up in his great spirit to teach me and to be honest with myself in those ways.
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Are we getting off topic?
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You kinda know this interview better than I.
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Yes?
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I appreciate the path you're taking and digging deeper into the question and to the things that are underneath awakening to God's presence in our lives.
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I especially appreciate this desire and longing and the question,"What is it that you want?" And as you're speaking, I'm just thinking of times in my own life that I've been called to answer that question, sometimes sitting across from a counselor.
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And other times recognizing that God is asking that question as well.
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When I pause and ask that question of myself and answer it honestly, which you're encouraging and which I think is so important to the journey of our relationship with God.
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When I answer it honestly, it takes me deeper into the underneath layers of that first response to what I want, and sometimes it's a process within myself in the context of my relationship with God, of picking up those rocks of what I want and looking underneath and realizing,"O.", there's something under that that I need to pay attention to.' Which is really getting at the root of my longing.
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My heart felt soul longing.
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Beautiful articulation.
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Yes.
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That's not always comfortable, is it?
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You know something, this is how I've come to look at the practice of confession.
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Again, like I said in the Fair Trade podcast.
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One of the ways that the spirit transforms my life through spiritual awakening is by restoring practices and scriptures and aspects of the Gospel and doctrine.
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God's Gospel, but that have been used to injur my spirit in the past.
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I don't see it as important the way that I did when I was growing up—that I have to go to some religious leader and tell them everything I've done wrong and have them encourage me to seek God's forgiveness and confess all my sins to somebody that I really don't trust that much, you know?
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Even in a religious setting.
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To me, that is not confession as much as what you are describing to me here of confessing to oneself first and foremost, being as honest and as deeply, painfully honest as possible with oneself first.
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And who better to do that?
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I find then the most loving, the most generous and graceful and forgiving God, the most incredible being of love that will share that space with me and not only share that space with me, but once I get to that place of depth of confession to myself, no matter how uncomfortable, that's most often when I find that God shows up to soften that and change my perspective and turn such a painful, icky, uncomfortable place of being into one of grace and soothing and healing and encouragment and beauty and it isn't me that creates that moment, that's God working and transforming me in my life on a very essential base level of my being.
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I love how you articulated that.
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Yeah.
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Picking up a rock and looking and going Ehh! Set that back down quick.
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Woo!
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Well, and I love what you're describing because as much as we place condemnation and judgment on ourselves or we allow others to put that on us, when we're open and honest with God, even about our darkest places, there is never, never condemnation in the presence of God.
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It is always this loving acceptance and an embrace.
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As you say, there's this embrace,"Come to me.
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Let me hold you, let me be with you." And it seems in my own life, I have to learn that more than once.
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And realize it's always safe.
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It is always safe and grace-filled to come to God and share the worst of the worst.
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It's only me that does the condemning of myself.
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And that is such a hard place to be in, but so beautiful when he leads me out of it through his spirit.
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He does not condemn.
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He does not condemn.
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I heard often, not just in my own faith growing up, but in many faiths growing up, around me.
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I heard we love the sinner, but we condemn the sin and that's just not, that's just not my experience with God.
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There is no condemnation whatsoever in the presence of God or person, for action, for anything I've done.
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There is never condemnation, truly.
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Only healing, only healing and making things whole again.
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Truly that's it.
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That wholeness that comes.
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But I must first face that brokenness, that confession of myself and being honest with myself, that's a tough place.
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I noticed another longing, one that was beautifully put in the scripture of Christ saying in Matthew.
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He said,"Come unto me all ye that Labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.
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Take my yoke upon you and learn of me.
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For I am meek and lowly in heart and you shall find rest unto your souls.
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For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." This is something I find that most people want.
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This is a desire and a longing most people have.
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I looked around us and life—truly this world gets more hectic all the time and the interconnectedness that we have of telecommunications only exacerbate that.
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It makes it so much worse because no longer do we have the safe space of being able to write a letter, and take time for the post, deliver it, and then have a response come.
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No, we have instant texts and sometimes we get too many in a day to respond to.
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Sometimes the emails are too many.
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People expect this all the time.
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I noticed in the industry that,"Oh well, well, why can't you show up at this?
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Or why can't you do everything I'm doing?" Well, you choose to live and work 23 hours a day.
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That's your business.
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I don't live and work that way, so don't expect me to.
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And they're just all these conflicts that come because of it and our lives become fuller and fuller and fuller and we need a deep rest for our souls.
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An easy way of life seems so distant from us.
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But I have, I can tell you, I have at times really tapped into that and touched on that.
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It's still something I'm trying to develop.
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That's part of that elusiveness.
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I've tasted it for periods of my life and I seek for it and I'm driven for that.
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The same scripture I just read from the King James version, I will read from another publishing of the Bible called The Message.
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I love the wording in that one.
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It's more of a modern word in a contemporary speech.
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"And God will teach us, we will learn from him, from Jesus, the unforced rhythms of grace." I love those words.
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"The unforced rhythms of grace."
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Yes.
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Oh, just saying that alone gives me a little bit of peace and certainly stokes that desire and longing in me.
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I'm like,"Oh, that's what I want.
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I want to live moment to moment, day by day in the unforced rhythms of grace."
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That is delightful.
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That is going to go on a sign that I put in my office for sure.